Oh my god, this is how I’ve been feeling. The intense dislike, the apologising, avoiding mirrors. I often think how I didn’t appreciate my youth and smaller body aha! I’m so sorry you feel this way too but thank you so much for writing this! I hope we both stop feeling the need to apologise soon xx
This is exactly where I'm at right now. Thank you for being so honest about feelings I can barely share with my partner. I was one of those annoyingly skinny women until I was well into my thirties. I used to think a size 14 was huge! I don't feel like myself in this much larger body but I am trying to cultivate self-compassion and treat exercise and eating well as acts of self-care rather than punishment.
Jfc but what a piece of writing! Not just the unflinching and personal content, but so stylishly and impeccably put together and structured - everything just hits the mark.
Of course it goes without saying I'm sorry you are feeling this way and going through this. In the last couple of years I allowed myself to gain weight, and now when I occasionally go out I have to keep wearing my one pair of jeans that still fits me. All of my cool slim-fit t-shirts now make me seem like a walking belly on stilts (weirdly the rest of my body remained basically as it was??). I wish today me could give a picture to 'normal' 2020 me, along with a punch in the face. Yesterday at the pub for the football I was convinced a bunch of lads was laughing amongst themselves at my flab. I'm looking forward to the Euros but equally I know it will likely mean far more time at the pub drinking and eating burgers, so...
Fortunately I've always been single and long gave up on that ever changing, but I *know* this isn't how I'm meant to look, so even though it's just for me and no-one else, it still makes me want to cry. I've never really wanted to look like the Love Island guys with their six packs (although clearly I wouldn't refuse if it were possible), but I do wish I could once again look like the slim me I used to be - and am *meant* to be ffs (despite the drinking etc).
This stopped me in my tracks. I have never read something that so honestly portrays exactly how I feel about myself. I am so sorry you feel like this; I know exactly what it’s like…but thank you for helping me feel less alone about it.
Oh my god, this is how I’ve been feeling. The intense dislike, the apologising, avoiding mirrors. I often think how I didn’t appreciate my youth and smaller body aha! I’m so sorry you feel this way too but thank you so much for writing this! I hope we both stop feeling the need to apologise soon xx
This is exactly where I'm at right now. Thank you for being so honest about feelings I can barely share with my partner. I was one of those annoyingly skinny women until I was well into my thirties. I used to think a size 14 was huge! I don't feel like myself in this much larger body but I am trying to cultivate self-compassion and treat exercise and eating well as acts of self-care rather than punishment.
Jfc but what a piece of writing! Not just the unflinching and personal content, but so stylishly and impeccably put together and structured - everything just hits the mark.
Of course it goes without saying I'm sorry you are feeling this way and going through this. In the last couple of years I allowed myself to gain weight, and now when I occasionally go out I have to keep wearing my one pair of jeans that still fits me. All of my cool slim-fit t-shirts now make me seem like a walking belly on stilts (weirdly the rest of my body remained basically as it was??). I wish today me could give a picture to 'normal' 2020 me, along with a punch in the face. Yesterday at the pub for the football I was convinced a bunch of lads was laughing amongst themselves at my flab. I'm looking forward to the Euros but equally I know it will likely mean far more time at the pub drinking and eating burgers, so...
Fortunately I've always been single and long gave up on that ever changing, but I *know* this isn't how I'm meant to look, so even though it's just for me and no-one else, it still makes me want to cry. I've never really wanted to look like the Love Island guys with their six packs (although clearly I wouldn't refuse if it were possible), but I do wish I could once again look like the slim me I used to be - and am *meant* to be ffs (despite the drinking etc).
Thank you for reading and for sharing this comment, it means a lot 💕
Sorry but I realised I forgot to also say you clearly have lots of winning humour and charm to write as well as you do, irrespective of anything else
This stopped me in my tracks. I have never read something that so honestly portrays exactly how I feel about myself. I am so sorry you feel like this; I know exactly what it’s like…but thank you for helping me feel less alone about it.
This is such a lovely message - I’m sorry it’s relatable but glad you feel less alone! Sending love x